We are offering you a parallel universe in which an NFL.com scout gives a profile of possible 1-1 picks in next month's June Draft.
CARLOS RODON
6'3" 235lb
School: NC State
Family is from Cuba. Maybe Communists? Throws baseball with left hand. From Holly Springs, North Carolina, which seceded from the Union in 1861. Secession indicates questionable moral fiber. Did not sign with the Brewers after being selected in the 16th Round of the 2011 draft. "Getting an education" seems more important than "playing baseball," which is concerning. Pitched for Team USA, which exemplifies patriotism - probably not Communist. High Motor. Doesn't have as many Wins as last year indicating complete career collapse having nothing to do with NC State's inability to score runs. Idiot head coach routinely makes him throw 130+ pitches. 2013 USA Baseball Player of the Year. 2nd Team All-America from Louisville Slugger. All-ACC First Team, ACC Freshman of the Year. National Freshman Pitcher of the Year. NC State's career leader in strikeouts. Always wants the ball. Has a pleasant smile, teeth. Bulldog attitude. Fire-breathing man-dragon. Up Up Down Down Left Right Left Right B A B A.
We didn't come out here to play tiddlywinks, son.
-Hal Smith
