Sean Pendergast brings it:
I've been to a national championship football game. I've been to a Final Four. I've been to four Wrestlemanias. I was even at the game where Carlos Lee hit a triple two Sundays ago. I say with zero hesitation that I would trade all of those in to be at a game where someone gets tased on the field. Sure, you can relive it on the internet with your friends, but it's not the same. Not even close.
And unfortunately, for the part of me that wants to see 1.21 gigowatts of voltage course through the veins of a wayward fan, I live in Houston. Oh, don't get me wrong....I love Houston. Cost of living, no state income tax, Tex-Mex, barbecue, traffic with Jennifer Reyna...it's all good. But our baseball team is the Astros. They suck. The crowds seem to dwindle by another several hundred fans each night. Mere math dictates that pretty soon, there will be no more fans, and therefore by definition, there will be on one to run onto the field sans permission and take a heater for my amusement.
Oh sure, if I ask Drayton McLane nicely enough he'll come up with some sort of promotion whereby the police chase Carlos Lee around left field in between the fifth and sixth innings and try to tase Caballo, but it's not the same. Too rehearsed, no spontaneity, and the whole thing would only last about four seconds before Lee collapsed from a lack of oxygen, and was left screaming for someone to bring him a shot of ranch dressing.
We didn't come out here to play tiddlywinks, son.
-Hal Smith
